Pike's Pale

Pike's Pale Has Temporarily Closed.

2005-01-17T18:22:00.000-06:00

Please visit California über alles for all news on Tom and Jessica until they move to Los Angeles.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-10-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

The cubs lost so it's back to the grind.

1) Baseball - My dear departed cubbies, how I will miss you and all the excuses to drink. The good news: the Red Sox kicking some fucking ass today. 7 runs in the 4th, that's just embarrassing. Anaheim's playing like the cubs. OUCH! (I slapped myself for that one.) I am addicted to baseball, a couple years in Chicago and it starts running through your veins. I never really understood it, but damn if it isn't the greatest sport in the world. Oh and FUCK THE YANKEES - god bless Minnesota. Although, if anyone should knock the Yankees out of the race it should be the Red Sox.

2) The Killers '46 and '64 - Jessica always writes her 5 before and gets to put in her two-cents first and she covered the films well enough. I'll just add that Lee Marvin is the fucking man, and Point Blank needs to get it's ass on DVD.

3) A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole - What a wonderful book. A comic epic. For those of you who have yet to read this gem, I implore you to dive into the world of Ignatius J. Reilly. You will not be disappointed.

4) Space Travel - Has anyone else notice that the whole space tourist flight is about the gayest thing ever? Wow $200,000 for 4 minutes in almost-outer-space. SPACESHIPONE you are LAME, you can't even put spaces in your name, how do you expect to put us into space. You don't even get to float around a little. I'm sure the view is fucking great and all but the price tag is a little steep. I'll just watch the IMAX movie I'm sure they're making. I guess I'm still holding out for the orbiting-around-the-earth tourist trade. Now that would be worth the cash.

5) Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke - I am only a chapter into the behemoth but am already loving it. Finally A book about magic that's not at a 5th grade reading level (Harry potter) and won't get you beat up on the bus (anything with an elf on the cover).

Go Cubbies!

2004-09-24T11:20:00.000-05:00

The Cubs regain the lead in the wild card race. It's hard not to get excited about all this when you live two blocks from Wrigley Field. Plus the Giants fucking suck ass. And not in the good way.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-09-22T17:24:00.000-05:00

1) The Opening Monologue in Slacker - "I should have stayed at the bus station." Priceless.

2) Reality Finale's - Wasting another entire summer watching TV never felt so good.

congratulations to all the winners.

3) Green Day's American Idiot -
I know that none of you are probably that interested in Green Day anymore, if ever. But the new album is great. Check out "Jesus of Suburbia" for nine minutes of pop-punk heaven. A Little something to head bang ironically to.

4) Hating the Star Wars DVD's - The packaging sucks as does the crappy special edition versions of the films. Fuck you George Lucas. Han shoots first and the sarlacc pit was scarier without that stupid beak. Way to ruin your films and destroy my childhood memories.

5) Mexicans Dressed Like Cowboys -

Man do they take that shit seriously.

You can't fight in here! This is the War Room

2004-09-20T13:39:00.000-05:00

I have four copies of Dr. Strangelove. One VHS I stole from my father long ago, a three on DVD including one from the second release of the box set. And now yet another damn version of the film is set to be released. A two-disc 40th anniversary addition at that.

Now what the ass am I suppose to do? Buy it again! It is one of the greatest films ever made but this is getting ridiculous.

2 years of Netflix

2004-09-18T13:46:00.000-05:00

09/15/04-A Streetcar Named Desire
09/15/04-Chris Rock: Never Scared
09/09/04-From the Earth to the Moon: Episode 5-8
08/11/04-Triumph of the Will
02/16/04-Russian Ark
08/31/04-09/15/04- Thief (1981)
06/21/04-09/15/04- City of God (2002)
08/13/04-09/09/04- Good Bye, Lenin (2003)
08/17/04-08/31/04- From the Earth to the Moon: Episodes 1-4 (1998)
05/03/04-08/17/04- Elephant (2003)
06/21/04-08/13/04- Band of Brothers: Disc 3 (2001)
06/23/04-08/11/04- The Magdalene Sisters (2002)
06/03/04-06/29/04- Band of Brothers: Disc 2 (2001)
06/21/04-06/29/04- Dark Days (2000)
06/21/04-06/25/04- Secret Window (2004)
05/11/04-06/23/04- Band of Brothers: Disc 1 (2001)
06/16/04-06/21/04- 50 First Dates (2004)
02/20/04-06/21/04- Breathless (1960)
06/16/04-06/21/04- Touching the Void (2003)
06/16/04-06/21/04- Along Came Polly (2004)
06/09/04-06/16/04- The Great Dictator (1940)
05/11/04-06/16/04- In America (2002)
06/08/04-06/16/04- Miracle (2004)
06/02/04-06/09/04- The Cooler (2003)
06/02/04-06/08/04- Bubba Ho-Tep (2003)
04/21/04-06/03/04- Last Tango in Paris (1973)
04/21/04-06/02/04- Antonio Gaudi (1984)
02/09/04-06/02/04- In the Cut (2003)
05/06/04-05/11/04- Love Actually (2003)
05/03/04-05/11/04- The Last Samurai (2003)
04/27/04-05/06/04- Big Fish (2003)
04/27/04-05/03/04- Stuck on You (2003)
04/26/04-05/03/04- The Office: Series 2 (2002)
04/21/04-04/27/04- Radio (2003)
04/21/04-04/27/04- Runaway Jury (2003)
03/08/04-04/26/04- Nashville (1975)
04/05/04-04/21/04- House of Sand and Fog (2003)
03/08/04-04/21/04- Deliverance (1972)
03/18/04-04/21/04- 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould (1993)
03/19/04-04/21/04- The Seventh Seal (1957)
03/24/04-04/05/04- The Singing Detective (2003)
03/12/04-03/24/04- The Emperor's New Clothes (2002)
02/13/04-03/19/04- The 400 Blows (1959)
03/10/04-03/18/04- Network (1976)
02/02/04-03/12/04- Swimming Pool (2003)
03/03/04-03/09/04- American Wedding (2003)
03/03/04-03/08/04- Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)
02/25/04-03/08/04- Matchstick Men (2003)
02/25/04-03/03/04- Whale Rider (2003)
02/16/04-03/03/04- The General (1998)
02/20/04-02/25/04- Dangerous Liaisons (1988)
02/17/04-02/25/04- Dummy (2003)
01/14/04-02/20/04- The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972)
02/17/04-02/20/04- Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (2003)
02/10/04-02/17/04- Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
02/10/04-02/17/04- The Bicycle Thief (1948)
01/14/04-02/16/04- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
02/10/04-02/16/04- Wall Street (1987)
02/03/04-02/13/04- Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
01/19/04-02/10/04- Open Range (2003)
01/07/04-02/10/04- The Sacrifice: Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky (2000)
02/03/04-02/10/04- King of Hearts (1967)
02/03/04-02/09/04- The Verdict (1982)
01/26/04-02/03/04- Capturing the Friedmans (2003)
01/30/04-02/03/04- Johnny English (2003)
01/30/04-02/03/04- Freaky Friday (2003)
01/26/04-02/02/04- The Secret Lives of Dentists (2003)
01/23/04-01/30/04- Zero Effect (1998)
12/17/03-01/30/04- The French Connection (1971)
01/05/04-01/26/04- Underworld (2003)
01/05/04-01/26/04- Little Big Man (1970)
01/07/04-01/23/04- Notorious (1946)
01/14/04-01/19/04- Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
01/07/04-01/14/04- MASH (1970)
01/05/04-01/14/04- Out of Time (2003)
12/30/03-01/14/04- Best of The Muppet Show: Steve Martin(1977)
12/30/03-01/07/04- Anything Else (2003)
12/30/03-01/07/04- The Ice Storm (1997)
12/17/03-01/07/04- Rocky & Bullwinkle & Friends: Season 1: Disc 1 (1961)
12/22/03-01/05/04- Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)
12/29/03-01/05/04- S.W.A.T. (2003)
12/05/03-01/05/04- Berkeley in the Sixties (1990)
12/22/03-12/30/03- The Ice Storm (1997)
12/11/03-12/30/03- Chicago: City of the Century: Disc 1 (2003)
12/17/03-12/30/03- The Wicker Man (1973)
12/17/03-12/29/03- The War Room (1993)
12/11/03-12/22/03- Out of Africa (1985)
12/04/03-12/22/03- New York: Episode 8: The Center of the World (1999)
12/10/03-12/17/03- View From the Top (2003)
12/02/03-12/17/03- Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
12/09/03-12/17/03- Bad Boys II (2003)
12/11/03-12/17/03- To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
12/04/03-12/11/03- Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)
12/02/03-12/11/03- New York: Episode 7: The City and the World (1999)
12/02/03-12/11/03- Naked Lunch (1991)
11/26/03-12/10/03- The Maltese Falcon (1941)
12/04/03-12/09/03- The Birds (1963)
11/26/03-12/05/03- New York: Episode 6: City of Tomorrow (1999)
11/26/03-12/04/03- Daddy Day Care (2003)
11/24/03-12/04/03- Winged Migration (2001)
11/24/03-12/04/03- Gerry (2002)
11/19/03-12/02/03- The Falcon and the Snowman (1985)
11/13/03-12/02/03- American Pimp (2000)
11/24/03-12/02/03- Bruce Almighty (2003)
11/19/03-11/26/03- The Santa Clause 2 (2002)
11/19/03-11/26/03- New York: Episode 5: Cosmopolis (1999)
11/19/03-11/26/03- Home Movie (2001)
08/14/03-11/24/03- The Third Man (1949)
11/13/03-11/24/03- New York: Episode 4: The Power and the People (1999)
09/26/03-11/24/03- My Life as a Dog (1985)
11/07/03-11/19/03- New York: Episode 2: Order and Disorder (1999)
11/12/03-11/19/03- Sick (1997)
11/11/03-11/19/03- New York: Episode 3: Sunshine and Shadow (1999)
11/11/03-11/19/03- The Italian Job (2003)
11/03/03-11/13/03- 42 Up (1998)
11/03/03-11/13/03- Freeway (1996)
11/05/03-11/12/03- Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003)
11/03/03-11/11/03- New York: Episode 1: The Country and the City (1999)
11/07/03-11/11/03- The Matrix: Reloaded (2003)
10/30/03-11/07/03- The Sopranos: Season 4: Disc 4 (2002)
11/03/03-11/07/03- On the Waterfront (1954)
10/30/03-11/05/03- The Sopranos: Season 4: Disc 3 (2002)
09/26/03-11/03/03- Stevie (2003)
10/22/03-11/03/03- The Office: Series 1 (2001)
10/27/03-11/03/03- The Sopranos: Season 4: Disc 2 (2002)
10/27/03-11/03/03- The Sopranos: Season 4: Disc 1 (2002)
10/22/03-10/30/03- The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
10/22/03-10/30/03- Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
10/17/03-10/27/03- The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
10/17/03-10/27/03- The Shape of Things (2003)
10/17/03-10/22/03- Better Luck Tomorrow (2003)
09/22/03-10/22/03- Chicago (2002)
10/17/03-10/22/03- Willard (2003)
10/07/03-10/17/03- The Tick: The Entire Series: Disc 1 (2001)
08/14/03-10/17/03- The Draughtsman's Contract (1982)
10/07/03-10/17/03- Holes (2003)
10/07/03-10/17/03- The Tick: The Entire Series: Disc 2 (2001)
09/26/03-10/07/03- A Little Princess (1995)
09/29/03-10/07/03- Dreamcatcher (2003)
08/20/03-10/07/03- The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956)
09/22/03-09/29/03- Identity (2003)
09/04/03-09/26/03- The Brood (1979)
09/12/03-09/26/03- The Core (2003)
09/22/03-09/26/03- Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)
09/12/03-09/22/03- National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
09/12/03-09/22/03- The Crying Game (1992)
09/04/03-09/22/03- Existenz (1999)
08/14/03-09/12/03- The Awful Truth (1937)
09/04/03-09/12/03- Gangs of New York (2002)
09/04/03-09/12/03- Gangs of New York: Disc 2 (2002)
08/20/03-09/04/03- The Good Thief (2003)
08/20/03-09/04/03- Spider (2003)
08/14/03-09/04/03- Eight Men Out (1988)
08/20/03-09/04/03- Stranger than Paradise (1984)
06/30/03-08/20/03- The Hours (2002)
06/16/03-08/20/03- Narc (2002)
07/22/03-08/20/03- Pinocchio (2002)
07/22/03-08/20/03- Spun (2003)
07/29/03-08/14/03- Richard Pryor: Live in Concert (1979)
07/29/03-08/14/03- The Quiet American (2002)
07/29/03-08/14/03- Shanghai Knights (2003)
07/29/03-08/14/03- Brother's Keeper: 10th Anniversary Edition (1992)
07/09/03-07/29/03- The Harder They Come (1973)
07/09/03-07/29/03- Keep the River on Your Right: A Modern Cannibal Tale (1999)
07/22/03-07/29/03- Final Destination 2 (2003)
07/14/03-07/29/03- Laurel Canyon (2003)
07/09/03-07/22/03- Re-Animator (1985)
07/08/03-07/22/03- Serpico (1973)
06/30/03-07/22/03- Lone Star (1996)
06/16/03-07/14/03- George Washington (2000)
06/30/03-07/09/03- How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
06/30/03-07/09/03- Mona Lisa (1986)
06/30/03-07/09/03- Cheech & Chong's Up in Smoke (1978)
06/30/03-07/08/03- The Awful Truth (1937)
06/20/03-06/30/03- Bad Taste (1988)
06/09/03-06/30/03- Biker Boyz (2003)
06/19/03-06/30/03- Smoke (1995)
06/17/03-06/30/03- Just Married (2003)
06/19/03-06/30/03- Titus (1999)
06/09/03-06/30/03- Tears of the Sun (2003)
06/11/03-06/20/03- Devil's Playground (2002)
06/11/03-06/19/03- Charade (1963)
06/03/03-06/19/03- Adaptation (2002)
06/11/03-06/17/03- Comedian (2002)
06/09/03-06/16/03- Frida (2002)
06/02/03-06/16/03- The Incredible Hulk: TV Series: Pilot (1977)
05/22/03-06/11/03- Sunset Boulevard (1950)
05/22/03-06/11/03- Max (2002)
03/24/03-06/11/03- All About My Mother (1999)
06/02/03-06/09/03- The Toxic Avenger (1985)
06/02/03-06/09/03- Barton Fink (1991)
06/02/03-06/09/03- Die Another Day (2002)
05/27/03-06/03/03- Love Liza (2002)
05/22/03-06/02/03- The Magnificent Seven (1960)
05/13/03-06/02/03- Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
05/22/03-06/02/03- Stardust Memories (1980)
05/22/03-06/02/03- Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1990)
04/24/03-05/27/03- Auto Focus (2002)
05/05/03-05/22/03- Welcome to Collinwood (2002)
05/12/03-05/22/03- Chris Rock: Bigger & Blacker (1999)
05/15/03-05/22/03- The Complete Mr. Bean: Disc 1 (1990)
05/12/03-05/22/03- All or Nothing (2002)
05/15/03-05/22/03- Analyze That (2002)
05/05/03-05/15/03- The Four Feathers (2002)
05/05/03-05/15/03- Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy (2001)
04/30/03-05/12/03- The Odd Couple (1968)
05/02/03-05/12/03- The Last of the Mohicans (1992)
04/24/03-05/12/03- Rabid (1976)
04/24/03-05/05/03- The Believer (2001)
04/29/03-05/05/03- Chris Rock: Bring the Pain (1996)
04/21/03-05/02/03- Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002)
04/28/03-05/02/03- Treasure Planet (2002)
03/31/03-04/30/03- Secretary (2002)
04/18/03-04/28/03- Time Bandits (1981)
04/16/03-04/28/03- Red Dragon (2002)
04/18/03-04/24/03- Three Kings (1999)
03/27/03-04/24/03- Tuck Everlasting (2002)
03/31/03-04/24/03- Twin Peaks: Season 1: Disc 1 (1990)
02/13/03-04/21/03- The Fast Runner (2002)
03/11/03-04/18/03- In the Name of the Father (1993)
03/19/03-04/18/03- Empire (2002)
04/01/03-04/16/03- Roger Dodger (2002)
03/10/03-04/01/03- All About Eve (1950)
03/24/03-03/31/03- Femme Fatale (2002)
03/19/03-03/31/03- Akira Kurosawa's Dreams (1990)
03/19/03-03/27/03- In the Company of Men (1997)
03/07/03-03/24/03- Possession (2002)
03/10/03-03/24/03- City by the Sea (2002)
03/10/03-03/19/03- I Spy (2002)
02/05/03-03/19/03- The Women (1939)
03/10/03-03/19/03- The Color Purple (1985)
02/28/03-03/10/03- Shanghai Noon (2000)
02/28/03-03/10/03- The Age of Innocence (1993)
01/21/03-03/07/03- Written on the Wind (1956)
02/25/03-03/07/03- The Master of Disguise (2002)
02/25/03-03/07/03- Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
02/25/03-03/07/03- Road to Perdition (2002)
02/20/03-02/28/03- The Rules of Attraction (2002)
02/20/03-02/28/03- Stealing Harvard (2002)
02/11/03-02/24/03- Fort Apache, the Bronx (1981)
02/13/03-02/24/03- Irma La Douce (1963)
02/17/03-02/24/03- One Hour Photo (2002)
02/11/03-02/20/03- Tadpole (2002)
02/10/03-02/20/03- My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
01/13/03-02/17/03- Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
01/30/03-02/14/03- Fort Apache, the Bronx (1981)
01/30/03-02/14/03- Tadpole (2002)
02/07/03-02/13/03- Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
02/04/03-02/13/03- Igby Goes Down (2002)
01/21/03-02/10/03- Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
01/21/03-02/07/03- Undercover Brother (2002)
01/21/03-02/05/03- Dario Argento Collection: Vol. 1: Inferno (1980)
01/21/03-02/04/03- The Long Goodbye (1973)
12/23/02-01/30/03- Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001)
01/13/03-01/30/03- Notorious C.H.O. (2002)
12/23/02-01/21/03- Francis Bacon (1985)
01/07/03-01/21/03- Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)
01/07/03-01/21/03- The Good Girl (2002)
01/07/03-01/21/03- How to Get Ahead in Advertising (1989)
01/06/03-01/21/03- XXX: Special Edition (2002)
12/24/02-01/13/03- Sexy Beast (2001)
01/06/03-01/13/03- Frailty (2002)
12/13/02-01/07/03- All That Heaven Allows (1955)
12/16/02-01/07/03- His Girl Friday (1940)
12/23/02-01/07/03- Dario Argento Collection: Vol. 1: Phenomena (1985)
12/23/02-01/06/03- Unfaithful (2002)
12/23/02-01/06/03- Big Trouble (2002)
12/16/02-12/24/02- The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover (1989)
12/12/02-12/23/02- Human Nature (2002)
12/12/02-12/23/02- Men in Black II (2002)
12/12/02-12/23/02- Reign of Fire (2002)
12/02/02-12/23/02- sex, lies, and videotape (1989)
12/12/02-12/23/02- The Philadelphia Story (1940)
12/02/02-12/16/02- Jasper Johns: Ideas in Paint (1989)
12/02/02-12/16/02- Frank Lloyd Wright (1998)
12/02/02-12/13/02- The Exorcist: Restored Version (1973)
11/29/02-12/12/02- The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom (1993)
12/02/02-12/12/02- ...And Justice for All (1979)
11/29/02-12/12/02- Andy Warhol (1987)
10/21/02-12/12/02- Fitzcarraldo (1982)
11/19/02-11/29/02- Vampire Hunter D (1985)
11/04/02-11/29/02- Jazz: Disc 1 (2000)
10/21/02-11/18/02- Michael Moore's The Awful Truth: Season 1: Disc 2 (1999)
10/21/02-11/04/02- The Anniversary Party (2001)
10/11/02-10/21/02- Jackson Pollock: Love and Death on Long Island (1999)
10/11/02-10/21/02- Heavenly Creatures (1994)
10/01/02-10/21/02- Broadway Danny Rose (1984)
09/30/02-10/11/02- Michael Moore's The Awful Truth: Season 1: Disc 1 (1999)
10/01/02-10/11/02- Go Tigers! (2001)
09/19/02-10/01/02- The Sopranos: Season 3: Disc 4 (2001)
09/23/02-10/01/02- Baseball: Disc 1 (1994)
09/19/02-09/30/02- The Salton Sea (2002)
09/10/02-09/23/02- The Sopranos: Season 3: Disc 3 (2001)
09/10/02-09/19/02- The Sopranos: Season 3: Disc 1 (2001)
09/10/02-09/19/02- The Sopranos: Season 3: Disc 2 (2001)

Scored

2004-09-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

I think this is the first time I was actually able to score some tickets that I really wanted on stupid Ticketmaster. I am very happy. Unfortunately I missed the tickets to the show with the Walkmen opening. I get to see urge overkill open for the pixies instead. But hey, it's all good. Just excited to see Frank Black, looking more like a pig than a man, perform Pixies songs live.

Crush My Ass

2004-09-17T14:12:00.000-05:00

Screw on-screen crushes. Top five on-screen girls whom I've jerked off to.

1) Drew Barrymore as Ivy in Poison Ivy - It's hard to recognize the cute little girl from E.T. unless you concentrate real hard.

2) Shannon Tweed as Marilyn Mejenes in Night Eyes 2 - Oh the joys of a free cinemax weekend and a house to yourself. And god bless blonde behemoths.

3) Rosanna Arquette as Gabrielle in Crash - The scar. Need I say more?

4) Corinne Clery as O in The Story of O - Nothing warps a child's mind more then seeing a woman chained naked in front of a mirror and whipped by a black slave girl before getting it from behind by the master of the house. Women never seem to live up to expectations after that.

5) Alisha Klass as herself in Seymore Butts' Tushy Girls Slumber Party - First and last time I've seen an enema in action. Klass indeed. You have to love a chick that prefers it in the ass. God bless 'um.

Rescue Me

2004-09-16T10:01:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else checked this show out? It is fucking crazy. The first episode I watched had a grandfather taking a variety of pills, a dead monkey in a bathtub, a penis measuring contest, and teenage lesbians. Oh and the best sex scene I have ever seen on TV, aside from Cinemax, and ignoring the fact that it was with Dennis Leary. The chick was fucking hot though and she did an amazing job of keeping just her nipples hidden. Fantastic. I'm not sure if it's a drama or a comedy or a Zalman King Production but you should all check it out.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-09-14T16:27:00.000-05:00

1) Assault Rifles

Now I can finally protect my home. I hope Josh feels safer.

2) City of God - On the same topic, I finally watched City of God and it was amazing. It could have been one of the most confusing films I have ever saw yet with inventive editing and fantastic amateur acting they managed to tell a cohesive story and bring every character to life. And of course the cinematography was just breathtaking. A must see.

3) CSI - Last week stupid Spike TV played every fucking episode of this show and now I can't stop thinking about it. I had seen a few episodes here and there but now I am truly hooked. Gil Grissom is the fucking man. Best Guest Appearance: Tom Noonan (the killer from Manhunter) reunites with William Peterson (Gil Grissom himself) and gets taken down by him AGAIN. Bad luck man, better stop killing people and being creepy as all hell.

4) Joe Klien - I've started reading Joe Klein's column in Time Magazine and am really starting to love him. He manages to breakdown all the political crap into one little page that I can digest. Thank you Joe Klein for telling my everything Kerry's doing wrong and what he could do to win this election. Now lets hope that someone on his campaign will give it a glance. Oh yeah, fuck George W. Bush.

5) Cell Phones - I dropped my cell phone against the wall a couple times in a row a few weeks ago and it fucking broke into a million little pieces. They just don't make them like they use to. Anyway, I finally got a new one and it is so shiny and new and it actually works and gets reception. And I love it. But I know that I'll have to turn on this one too. I know it's gonna start to fucking flake out on me. It just better watch it's fucking step around me. You here that i88s.

Meanest Website Ever

2004-09-13T17:00:00.000-05:00

This may not be as mean as calling out a kid in your test group for having a dumb and dumber haircut but it's close. I kinda like the one of Frankenstein.

(link from chuck)

The Mannequin Men represent(ed)!

2004-09-09T23:24:00.000-05:00

So I ran across this blog entry where this chick is talking about my friend Rick's band, The Mannequin Men. And I hope she turns you all into fans...even if you've never heard them and probably never will. I'll send out some T-Shirts when they get some.

Oh Man

2004-09-08T15:21:00.000-05:00

For some reason I was really looking forward to this event. Not that sun particles are really that interesting. I guess it's just exciting when we get stuff from outer space. Still a kid at heart and all. Stupid NASA, they always mess everything up.

Damn I'm Sexy!

2004-09-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-09-07T23:54:00.000-05:00

1) Bargain Books - There is a little indie bookstore down the street from me and they sell a great selection of bargain books. Not used books, but instead the overstocks. Not sure where they get them but there are always a couple I want. And for less the half the cover price, it's worth grabbing them. I always find myself buying a few books each visit. Yesterday it was Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. Now this is a book I probably wouldn't have ever read and so far it is very interesting and I am enjoying it very much. So i;d just like to thank that book store for having great titles for cheap prices.

2) The Return of Ken Jennings - His first day back may not have been up to par, but he made some heads roll today, even if he did miss the finally question which wasn't that hard. A controversial 1979 war film was based on this authors 1907 novel (can't recall the actual date in the question.) Of course I was suppose to read Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness three times throughout both my high school and college careers. Have yet to read it once.

3) Good Bye Lenin! - This is a wonderfully hilarious and beautiful movie. And lets not forget all the Kubrick references. You've got to love the flower toss cutting to the cake. That's just wonderful. And of course the high speed re-un-decorating of the mothers bedroom set to the William Tell Overture. If you haven't seen this film, rent it now.

4) The Killers - Just another shout out to iTunes and Best Buy. I downloading a song from them and liked it very much and when I found it at Best Buy for $9.99 I said why not. Just another way that iTunes is good for your music collection but bad for your credit card. Thank you, you fucker.

5) Joey - Fine I'm a loser and I love Friends. I own every single DVD they've put out thus far, including the series finale. You better believe that I'll have to miss the first half of BB5 to see what my good friend Joey has been up to. And of course lets not forget Drea De Matteo's smoking booty.

The Brown Bunny

2004-09-07T14:55:00.000-05:00

I was going to include this in my 5 for the week but I feel that perhaps it deserves it's own posting.

I have become increasingly mesmerized by this minimalist film movement. I found both Gus Van Sant's ventures engrossing, Gerry and Elephant. These films where able to tell an entire story with what was not said. The space between the action became as important as the action itself. Now with Brown Bunny, Gallo has taken this style of filmmaking to the limit.

The film spends the first hour in the van with Gallo but instead a romanticised road film, we get a very different journey. He could have chosen to take this trip in an old convertible, stopping at the greasy spoons along the way and experiencing Americana. Instead, he takes his ugly black van, down the highway and stops at only a few rest stops and gas stations where we see only corporate logos and brand names. I think this put more focus on Gallo as the troubled hero, because we are allowed to almost disregard the backgrounds entirely. We put our focus on the people he meets and not the places he chooses to stop. Through this we get a clearer view of what is really troubling him.

The exception to this is his stop in the salt flats, which was the laughable scene at Cannes, with his driving away and finally driving back. I'm not sure how this played at Cannes, but the shorten version, where he simply disappears is a very beautiful and deep moment of the film. It caps off the lonely road trip prepares you for the next chapter of the film.

I'd have to say that I have only one complaint at this point of the film, when Gallo finally arrives in LA I felt almost let down. I wanted a little more of those driving shots earlier in the film. I'm not sure what got cut from the film, perhaps it's all junk, but I could have used a couple more minutes added to the driving shots between the stops. I felt a little to refreshed still, and I think that maybe another ten minutes of driving would have put me in an even deeper trance.

Now I won't spoil the ending for those who have not seen it, because I think that the surprise is a big part of the finale. But I do have to say that I disagree with a lot of the reviews I have read about the film. No one, in my mind, seemed to understand the purpose of the blow-job scene. It's graphic and violent and awful and it is the reason the end works so well. And the ending made the entire movie work. I'll compare the ending to In The Company Of Men where the entire film builds up the scene where Aaron Eckhart is chatting with the deaf girl and just can't keep it together any longer and burst out laughing in her face. That moment is hilarious and powerful. The ending of the Brown Bunny is the opposite in tone but the same feelings of shock and disgust. And instead of laughing, I cried. I cried until the credits rolled. It's climax is such a horrid yet true scene from life, it makes the entire film work and makes every scene necessary.

My Retirement from Keggers

2004-09-07T13:12:00.000-05:00

This labor day weekend Jessica and I went to Kalamazoo Michigan to see her sister who goes to Western Michigan University. She lives in the student ghetto and there was a huge party across the street that we decided to go to. Now it has been a while since I have been to a kegger, although the last one before this one was also in K-zoo, with Josh, and it was a toga party (my first.) It is amazing how similar every keg party is. It felt like I was back in Boston, or on the farm in Dexter for that matter. And although I felt like Mathew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused, I had a great time chatting with the hopeful youth of our country. Although most the conversations centered around when the next keg would arrive. The highlight of the evening was when some guy congratulated me for actually graduating collage. He was in his first year of community collage and seemed to be encouraging me to stay on course with my life and not spend the rest of my youth at college keggers. So in honor of that guy, who later hit on Jessica, I have decided to retire from going to college keggers where the cops come and everyone has to hide inside and be quiet until they leave. This happened twice that night. Also keggers where drunk teenagers wrestle on the front porch and one gets pushed through the front window of the house. Although that did make a great crashing sound. Also Keggers that hand out jello shots, because I'm getting to old for that shit. I really need to get out of the Midwest before I get a pick-up truck and start blowing sheep.

Wrongly Accused

2004-09-02T11:24:00.000-05:00

So another innocent man is free. It is refreshing, however, that he admits "Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. "

Now let's see what her lawyer says happened "Bryant's voice became deeper and his acts became rougher" as he began to grope the woman. She asked him to stop, but Bryant allegedly blocked her exit, grabbed her and forced her over a chair to rape her. Bryant's hands were around the woman's neck, the attorneys said "a perceived threat of potential strangulation if she resisted his advances."

Sure sounds like they where having consensual sex. In his defense, I often strangle my bitches, it makes me cum harder. And when they're old enough to remember, I'm sure they'll all agree it was their own damn fault for being such nasty little whores. Right Kobe.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-08-31T23:08:00.000-05:00

1) iTunes - I finally signed up on iTunes yesterday and have already spent like fifty bucks. I love it though, I am finally catching up on like a million bands I've been meaning to check out. I've felt so far out of the music loop. Now if only you could download porn on the internet my life would be complete.

2) Disgusted by the RNC - Now I guess they have all the right in the world to parade 9/11 around like THEIR victory but I can't watch it. I don't care what they do but I want THEM to know that I am disgusted at THEIR exploitation of OUR national tragedy. I find this ploy inexcusable. But my fear is that people are buying into it. My fear is that it may work and we may have to live with another four years of this tyrant and his knights of the crime table. Damn you Bush, you you evil genius. Stupid in most respects but a genius at evil.

3) T.J. Maxx - I went to the Maxx tonight and picked four designer shirts for less than eighty bucks. The kicker, they actually had my fucking size. One advantage to having monkey arms is that places like T.J. Maxx get all the clothes real stores can't sell and shirts designed for monkey arms fit very few people. Real stores, however, rarely have my sizes in stock. So I say, god bless the Maxx. And my every one have an exxtra x in their name.

4) Joel Stein - I loved Joel Stein's articles in Entertainment Weekly and am still pissed that they cut him. His column was the one thing that made Entertainment Weekly feel like a real magazine be and not another star fucker rag. Anyway, every once in a while he shows up in Time Magazine and it makes me happy. Joel Stein's article this week reminds me why I've missed him so. Damn you EW.

5) The Drive-By Truckers The Dirty South - I must have lived in the south too long, or perhaps not long enough, because The Drive-By Truckers give me everything my life has been missing. The new album may not be as great as Decoration Day or Southern Rock Opera but it still tells a great story. I implore everyone to check them out. "The Sands of Iwo Jima" is the stand out track off this new album. Unfortunately it is unavailable on iTunes. You can, however, download "Steve McQueen" which lays down McQueen's whole life in nine minutes and nineteen seconds.

GTA San Andreas

2004-08-26T13:37:00.000-05:00

I just don't think I can wait another 2 months for this to come out. The website only makes me hungry for more. Damn you Rockstars Games.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-08-25T16:17:00.000-05:00

1) Not Reading the New Yorker - We get the New Yorker every week and every week I intend to read it. Every week I pick it up and go through it once quickly to catch the cartoons. Then later I might read the movie review if I am interested in the film. And sometimes I read the "Talk of the Town" section. But I rarely get into any of the other articles. I recall I once read a poem but have forgotten what is was about. I recall enjoying it. I still like getting it in the mail and seeing it on the coffee table. It makes me feel like such a yuppie and I love it.

2) The Wine Of Youth by John Fante - Thank you again Pier for this wonderful book. I've read threw the first couple stories and am engrossed in it. The stories are so exciting and inventive. I just love the first person narratives and colorful characters. Fante is simply a fantastic writer.

3) All-Clad Cookware - I have an addiction to fine cookware. I just bought the all-clad grille pan and have found an excuse to use it everyday. It's so nice to have cookware that heats evenly and consistently. Unfortunately, it is an expensive habit and I am running out of room to store everything. I can't wait to move to LA and get a bigger apartment. We have deliberately stayed in a small apartment so that we would not buy too much crap to move but it doesn't seem to dissuade me.

4) Not Getting Bitten By Harvey - Jessica and I have a very grumpy cat. Anyone who has met him can attest to that. But since getting the new kitten Harvey has become a different cat. Although he is still grumpy he is not so angry and has not drawn blood for some time. This has given me a new lease on life, a life without a new bloody wound on my arm or leg every other day.

5) Tim Yelaca's Blog - I must agree with Josh this week. Reading this seventeen year old high school seniors blog is a delight. His misadventrues with the opposite sex and anxiety about choosing a college bring me right back to my own high school years.

So whats been new in my life? well lets get the girl things out of the way first. actually i don't really feel like talking about those, so if you are curios, you can just ask me later. Lets just say I hope some new hot girls come that i can seduce before they figure out I am a nerd and everyone eles figures out they are hot.

And although we are in some sort of Blog feud, I still get a kick out of reading his dog days of summer reflections.

Mrs. Bridge

2004-08-20T16:40:00.000-05:00

I finished reading Mrs. Bridge by Even S. Connell last night and found it to be one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. Simply a wonderful read. I have never read a book that made me both laugh and cry out loud almost every chapter (aside from Mr. Bridge.) It is a touching story of an upper-middle class American family set in early 20th century Kansas City. Along with Mr. Bridge, the follow up, Connell creates a beautiful family portrait that I would like to recommend to everyone.

I made quiche.

2004-08-20T16:34:00.000-05:00

Maybe I am gay.

Fantastic

2004-08-20T16:20:00.000-05:00

Since Paris helped reality TV hit rock bottom why not internet auctions. From defamer.

Damn Right

2004-08-20T13:32:00.000-05:00

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

If I had some WMD's you'll'd be in big BIG trouble. Seriously though, I feel that this is a bad comment on my self image. Perhaps something I should work on. This can't be good.

Farewell Art

2004-08-20T10:58:00.001-05:00

For an explanation of this post start here, then read here, and finally here. Although the end conclusion will be that Everclear suck.

The New Bitch

2004-08-20T00:48:00.000-05:00

Here's to your last week in the BB5 house.

Can SNL still be funny?

2004-08-19T17:48:00.000-05:00

After watching the hilarious White House West commercial I am sad that Will Ferrell will not be around to portray Bush during the debate spoofs again. Will it even be worth it? Will "strategery" be as funny coming from another ones mouth. I hope so but I won't hold my breath.

On Vacation

2004-08-19T16:08:00.001-05:00

A few months ago Jessica and I decided to go on vacation in downtown Chicago, a five minute bus ride from our apartment. We grabbed the camera and went to TGIFridays where we told our waiter we where on vacation from Michigan. This is a wonderfully fun activity and I suggest it to everyone. Here are the resulting photographs.

The TGIFridays Long Island Iced Teas. Simply wonderful.

Jessica sips on her first tea.

My second, even better than the first.

Jessica's second. Can she finish it?

An attempt at a high 5 across the table.

I fashion a super straw to help Jessica with her drink. Our waiter walked by when I was doing this and had a good laugh. As did we.

Two drunks on vacation in a booth at TGIFridays.

Going to the Mattresses

2004-08-19T14:03:00.000-05:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

It seems to me that there cannot be two Dons in one house. I, therefore, overthrow Jessica and make her my bitch...in bed.

Good Idea Benny

2004-08-18T19:17:00.000-05:00

Stealing some good ideas from benny's blog. Hope you're not upset.

What Video Game Character Are You?

2004-08-18T13:27:00.001-05:00

Find Out Here

Too Much Information UPDATED

2004-08-18T12:05:00.000-05:00

I believe that some people may open up a little too much on their blogs. Exhibit a: Chuck's letter to his wife.

UPDATE:
Unfortunately Chuck decided to delete the letter to his wife. I apologize if you didn't get a chance to read it, it was priceless. You can still catch up with Chuck and his internet bride at Marriage Made Online for more married drama in Alabama.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-08-17T22:34:00.000-05:00

1) Buying DVD's on Amazon - For some reason I have gone crazy on Amazon. In the last week I have bought Nashville, The Long Goodbye, Chinatown, Topsy Turvy, The Sacrifice and The Martin Scorsese Collection, and the one that really freaks me out, eXistenZ. Which I bought last Monday before Benny started writing all about it. It seems that Benny and I are still cosmically connected. Spooky. I also pre-ordered Slacker and Videodrome. I hope Pier is as proud of me as I am of his handlebar.

2) Spaghetti alla Carbonara - spaghetti, extra-virgin olive oil, 4 ounces slab bacon, cubed, garlic, 3 eggs yolks, freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, Freshly ground black pepper, flat-leaf parsley

Prepare the sauce while the pasta is cooking to ensure that the spaghetti will be hot and ready when the sauce is finished; it is very important that the pasta is hot when adding the egg yolks, so that the heat of the pasta cooks the raw eggs in the sauce.

Heat the olive oil in a deep skillet over medium flame. Add the bacon and saute for about 3 minutes, until the bacon is crisp and the fat is rendered. Toss the garlic into the fat and saute for less than 1 minute to soften.

Add the hot, drained spaghetti to the pan and toss for 2 minutes to coat the strands in the bacon fat. Separate and beat the eggs and Parmesan together in a mixing bowl, stirring well to prevent lumps. Remove the pan from the heat and pour the egg/cheese mixture into the pasta, whisking quickly until the eggs thicken, but do not scramble (this is done off the heat to ensure this does not happen.) Thin out the sauce with a bit of reserved pasta water, until it reaches desired consistency. Season the carbonara with several turns of freshly ground black pepper and taste for salt. Mound the spaghetti carbonara into warm serving bowls and garnish with chopped parsley. Pass more cheese around the table.

3) The Olympics - I have never really been that into sports. I do enjoy my cubbies but I don't really watch a lot of other sporting events. But this year I can't stop watching the Olympics. I love them. From the Thorpedo to Water Polo to Ping Pong to shooting. I love it all.

I recall when I was a child I hated the Olympics because it interrupted all my favorite TV shows, of course if they where CBS and got in the way of BB5 I would kick some ass. But now I watch it all night.

incidentally, the Mens 4x200 freestyle relay tonight was just fucking awesome. Although I hate that Phelps douche. He has a those fucking spinning things on his SUV.

4) Outfoxed - I loved watching this after finishing the Al Franken book. They cover a lot of the same points and it's nice to see the footage of the incidents Al was talking about. Bill O'Rielly is a complete fucking asshole and needs to shut the fuck up. Maybe he should interview Julianne Moore.

5) Collateral's Cinemotography - I have to say that I did not like the film as much as I wanted to. I felt that the film really lost a lot of steam during the night club shoot out. I found the scene too confusing and just couldn't get back into it. What kept me going though was the cinemotography. What really stood out for me was when Tom started shooting out the windows in the office building. I just really liked the way they shot the glass breaking. It Felt almost 3-D to me, of course I had just drank most of a bottle of wine before seeing the film. I really want to watch it again. Michael is, after all, a genius. At least this wasn't another Ali.

Farewell Little Warrior

2004-08-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

The Little One is no more. She will be missed. I have never seen such a little person annoy more horrid people. May Colin and Christie contract amebic dysentery somewhere in the Amazon.

Chip and Kim Forever. That man always has a smile on his face, which in turn puts a smile on my face. I hope those Negroes come away with the cash.

The midget's parting words: "[I have to try] triple as hard as regular people." Phil was tearing up.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-08-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

1) Project DNA on Big Brother - I don't think I have ever enjoyed television more than when the twin twist was revealed on Big Brother last Thursday. I laughed so hard my head hurt and the cats hid in the other room. Now I am enjoying the new season of the amazing race but it has nothing new to offer over last year or the year before. Big Brother on the other hand is always different because the people are always different and never predictable. This is the best show on television.

2) Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken - I don't read hard cover books because I hate holding them in the bathtub so I always wait until paperbacks come out to read books (Harry Potter is the exception because I am the Gay Bear as you remember.) So I have gotten around to the new Al Franken book and I am loving it. I am not the most savvy political mind, but I do enjoy making fun of conservative republicans. I tried to a Michael Moore book but found it to be just too whacked-out liberal for me. Franken walks a line that I can follow. And he not only makes me laugh, he makes me angry. Some chapters are all fluff, but some make me want to scream. Why are republicans so damn selfish and closed minded?

3) "Let's Get Retarded" by The Black Eyed Peas - I picked up Elephunk this weekend, why I'm not really sure, I guess I sometimes want to act cool. But I do enjoy it. I of course like "where is the love" because I love Justin Timberlake. But the surprise on the album was the song I thought was "Let's get it Started." I had no clue that there was another version of the song. And let me tell you, in honor of the retarded scoliosis man, I am getting retarded right now. Best song ever man.

4) King of New York - This was on AMC the other day and I caught the end. I had forgotten how great it was and immediately went out and bought it and watched it from the beginning. I forgot how great that early 90's indie film feel was. The editing is rough and the cinematography is dark and the acting is over the top. David Caruso, Larry Fishburne, Wesly Snipes and of course Chistopher Walken in Abel Ferrara's masterpiece. That's right, masterpiece. Coke, Titties, Shot Guns, and Nosferatu.

5) 70 Degrees in August - I love, love sleeping with the window open in august and having that clean cool summer breeze blow in on me all night. I hate the heat. Hate it. But the A/C doesn't give me that same wonderful smell. I have to take advantage of the weather when I can, since Chicago is so unpredictable it could be back in the 90's by the end of the week.

Tom at his finest.

2004-08-10T14:01:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was in line at self check out at the grocery store. It was getting late and I was heading home to make dinner. I was a little hungry and cranky. The line was long and slow and I had been waiting for about ten minutes before I go up to the register. I was next in line when a little black man about five and half feet tall with what appeared to be an onset of scoliosis and some sort of retardation just walked up and cut right in front of me. Well, I thought, jeez, he is clearly handicapped, what am I going to do. I started to feel the eyes of everyone behind me who had also been waiting and I realized that I need to talk to this guy. So I politely address the man, “Sir. Sir, the line starts back there.” The man turns around and stares at me in disbelief. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW YOU WHERE WAITING FOR THIS LINE,” the little black retarded man screams. This throws me off a little bit. I’m not really sure how to deal with this, so instead of A. ignoring him and waiting more, or B. asking nicely again for him to please move to the back of the line, I choose option C. I throw my grocery basket to the floor, take a giant step toward the retarded scoliosis man, and standing a foot above him I scream back, “FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. GET TO THE BACK OF THE LINE.” Now I realize this may have been a bit over the top, but I was getting hungry and he was giving me attitude for no reason. But this really set him off, black man complex and all. “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. YOUR NOT MY BOSS,” he exclaims. This of course only infuriates me more, I explode “I AM GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.” I take another step right into the guy, forcing him to stare straight up to make eye contact, and command, “NOW GET TO THE BACK OF THE LINE.” This I believe scared him, because he immediately looked away from me and backed toward the back of the line, mumbling “God bless, God bless.” I pick up my basket and begin to check out my groceries. He continues to egg me one though. At this point however, I am so wound up I can’t really hear what he is saying. I just know that he is talking some shit. So instead of just finishing up my groceries, I drop what I am doing, walk half the distance to him, and extend both middle fingers and shout, “FUCK YOU.” Now again, I am a foot taller than this man, I have a handle bar mustache and he is a retard black man with scoliosis. The store is packed with people, although no one bothered to stop the out burst, and I was hungry and cranky. I believe that he saw the anger in my eyes and backed down, he dropped his head and simple said, “God bless, God bless.” I returned to my groceries and he stayed at the end of the line. He became the first person I ever intimidated. And although he was a foot shorter than me, had scoliosis and was retarded, I am very proud of myself.

Nomair?

2004-08-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

From The Cub Reporter

Nomah no longer. Now that he’s lost his Boston accent, what do we call him? Nomair?

Jessica Threw-Up All Over The Fucking Bed

2004-07-31T07:22:00.000-05:00

So I get up to refill my glass of water real quick and when I go back into my room I find that Jessica is lying in a pile of vomit. Her Head is hanging over the side of the bed finishing the job. But not only is there vomit all over the bed, there is vomit all over jessica. She must have rolled around in it for a bit to enhance her scent. I'm sure I have never seen anything like that. I slept on the couch.

REQUSET

2004-07-30T23:26:00.000-05:00

May I request a digital photo of Ben, Tim, Pier and Urban? I need a little something for my little photos.

C.C. and Ginger

2004-07-30T23:22:00.000-05:00

Two straight A.H. Hirsh's. Two Manhattan's. Two C.C. and Gingers it is really really really really really hard to type. Go d bless whiskey. Go d bless whiskey. Go d bless whiskey. Go d bless whiskey. Go d bless whiskey. Go D indeed.

The Brown Bunny

2004-07-30T18:33:00.000-05:00

The Brown Bunny trailer is either boring or intriguing. I can't make up my mind. I just remember a review that included something about gallo washing his car in real time or something like that. I just don't know.

I'm Not Johnny

2004-07-30T14:59:00.000-05:00

People do often make that mistake. Guess it's cause we're such close "friends." And no that's not an engagement ring, just a "thank you" gift.

Keane's Hopes and Fears

2004-07-30T13:52:00.000-05:00

I love this band. Although a life long guitar lover, I find this piano wonderfully soothing. And the freddie mercury meets thom yorke vocals are fantastic. I just hope this band isn't too gay for even me. But I really don't care, tonight I shall get drunk and attempt to sing along with notes way out of my vocal range. Isn't jessica lucky?

Shayma-llama-lan Does It Again

2004-07-30T11:53:00.000-05:00

Well it seems that M. Night Llama-lan may have topped the crappiest of his twist endings once again.

Eventually the secret of Those, etc., is revealed. To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore.
And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets. By Roger Ebert @ Suntimes.com

The problem is, even with this horrid review, I want to know what the damn movies about! I am tempted to just wait till Moviespoiler.com gets a spoiler up later today. But if the movies good, what if, by knowing the end, I ruin one of the most brilliant films of the year? Doubtful, but worrisome. I may have to shell out a few buck and see a matinee. Damn you llama-llama-lan.

Perhaps someone will tell me if it's worth this headache?

My long lost id

2004-07-29T22:43:00.000-05:00

Caught Jessica sketching what I can only assume is me. I am after all a stinker.

The Speech

2004-07-29T22:14:00.000-05:00

When all was said and done I have to say that Kerry did a great job (I'll leave the breakdown to Josh.) Again I'm not sure what kind of importance this speech was really going to have, but he said just what I wanted to hear. Of course, I was already going to vote for him. It's those wacky undecided that really needed to respond to that speech, the thing is, I doubt they watched it. People who are undecided must be that way for a reason, my guess is that they don't care much for politics and are uneducated on the issues and therefore don't bother to watch speeches. Undecided people will make their decision based on what tid bits they got from news teasers and jay leno jokes. This will be one scary election.

Kerry's Upcoming Speech

2004-07-29T15:06:00.000-05:00

I think that the media is over emphasizing Kerry's speech tonight. They are calling it the make or break moment of his career. What do they think he might do? Pants himself, and start jerking off. Or do they expect he might be able to guarantee everyone access to heaven. All he is going to do is walk out there and talk about the future of the county, foreign policy, and the economy. How could this go wrong for him? He's at the DNC, no one is going to boo. He's the Nominee and today he can do no wrong, at least no wrong to the average Democrat. Those republicans will find fault in whatever he says, that's why politics are great.

2004-07-29T15:04:00.000-05:00

Peddling to middle America.

A New Face

2004-07-29T13:17:00.000-05:00

Learning the code that programs these things is such a pain but I think I get it enough to make me happy.

Proud to be a Hoppe

2004-07-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

My Brother's Muscles and his first place bodybuilding trophy.

My Turn

2004-07-28T09:17:00.000-05:00

You will sink in a mire. You like to think you're
normal, but deep down you really just want to
strip off your clothes and roll around in
chicken fat.

I don't like these stupid little quizes. I can never find an answer that I feel comfortable with and then I get some stupid analyses. Okay fine, I love them.

Urban?

2004-07-27T23:09:00.000-05:00

Can I just ask? Who is this Urban character?

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-07-27T22:12:00.000-05:00

1) Summer Reality television - I love hot summers and horrifying reality television. I have been watching Midgets running with sides of beef on the Amazing race, DNA (do not assume) with twins switching places and long lost siblings on Big Brother 5, and, although bravo already pulled it, back stabbing and bitching hair dressers on Blow Out with egos bigger then bee hives. but one has taken the cake. Trading Spouses. I need not say more. This show is the absolute bottom of the barrel and I loved every moment of watching a stuck-up white trash carb counting housewife being forced to live in squalor with Negroes.

2) A Kitten - KITTENS SUCK, all they do is grow up, get obscenely large muscles and drop out of Alabama University after 4 years, having not yet completed their sophomore year. No wait, that's my brother. Kittens are great. And I really am proud of my brother's muscle.

3) Spiderman 2 - the videogame - Grand Theft Auto changed the face of videogames and may have resulted in the greatest superhero videogame yet. I'm not sure if anyone that reads this plays videogames, unless BG accidently got this site instead of cartoon bondage porn, but I give this game four of fives stars.

4) Barack Obama - Just watched him speak at the DNC and he really impressed me. Living in Chicago, I have seen his name up for awhile on posters (and no Jessica, although Obama and Osama look and sound similar, it is not ironic) but did not really know a lot about him. I am glad that I will be able to vote for such a bright and well spoken negro. Now get to the back of the fucking bus. Just kidding, I love the blackies.

5) Dennis Quaid Movies from the 80's - I sometimes get obsessed with certain actoirs and must see all of there movies (Ben will remember my Gene Hackman fixation.) I have now become addicted to the films of Dennis Quaid from the 80's. A little history: I was flipping around the TV one night a few weeks back and Great Balls of Fire was on HBO. I had never seen the film and got trapped instantly. Who wouldn't marry their niece if it was Winona Ryder at the tender age of...well she's playing 13 so we'll just call it...13. Dennis Quaid was great, so free with the performance I coul;dn't help but love him. But a few days later I was flipping again and on AMC they where playing The Big Easy. It's a nifty little cop mystery in New Orleans, but what makes it great is DQ's accent. Never has anyone played a Cajun accent less convincingly and so unevenly. It was such a bad accent I had to watch the whole movie and in fact, this weekend I found it at best buy for $5.99 and bought it. Now if a bad accent doesn't make you want to watch a movie, eat my ass and watch it anyway, it a good movie anyway.

5 Must See Dennis Quaid Films of the 80's

1) Great Balls of Fire!

2) The Big Easy

3) The Right Stuff

4) Inner Space

5) Enemy Mine - and with louis gosset jr giving birth to a little alien baby at the end, this may be the greatest movie of the 80's.

Not Enough Tom

2004-07-27T22:07:00.000-05:00

I apologize for being absent from the blog for so long. I am, and will continue to be, far too drunk to type. I will try to post anyway.

Sincerely
Tom

Nooner

2004-07-03T15:55:00.000-05:00

It's hard to think of anything more pleasant then while taking a walk on a warm summer morning you're caught in the rain. And to escape the down pour you jump into the nearest store front, and low and behold it's a quiet, little tavern. So I take a seat in a cool, cozy, dark booth and order a nice smooth Black and Tan. And as the rain trickles down, I take thick drag of my cold beer. The Cubs game is on television (although they get a rain delay soon after, since it's a home game), and I watch them jump to fast 4-0 lead against the White Sox. Life is good my friends. When the rain clears, and the beers gone, I take to the streets, which has that warm moist rain smell. My head a little cloudy and my sun glasses pushed back in my hair, I glance at my watch, quarter to one. Better get a six-pack on the way home. Indeed.

I like to drink.

2004-07-02T19:32:00.000-05:00

I enjoy being drunk. Not too drunk, but drunk enough to get that warm and fuzzy feeling where your emotions are all dull and you can't drive straight. Okay fine, until I black out. I hope that this does not become a problem in my life. If I had to go to AA and stop drinking I would very sad. I would miss the warm and fuzzy feeling. Most of all, people that don't drink are always such a drag. You watch them judging you, of course if you drink enough you couldn't possibly give two shits. But still, they are jealous, they want to drink again, they miss the feeling. They have a certain desperation about them. I must declare that people who have stopped drink because of severe alcoholism are the saddest people in the world. And as I sit here drinking the first cold beer on a very hot night, I must say, God bless beer! And Bourbon. Bookers Bourbon, mmm. Wait a second I have some in the kitchen, fuck beer. Goodbye short term memory of this evening.

5 THE HARD WAY

2004-06-29T09:20:00.000-05:00

1) Rehab Memoirs - I read Dry by Augustine Burroughs a month or so ago and am now reading A Million Little Pieces by James Frey and I just can't get enough rehab. Although I think Dry was a better book, and will make even the hardest man cry, Pieces has a some of the most disturbing scenes I have ever read. It's books like these that makes me realize I don't drink nearly as much as I could.

2) Ken on Jeopardy - Now I have always loved Jeopardy but have not watched it regularly for some time. But I tuned in the other day to find Ken. Today will be his 20th day and I can't wait. The man knows everything. You should see the faces of his opponents, utterly defeated by the end of the first round.

3) Scott Peterson - Am I the only one who thinks this guy might be innocent. The case just looks weaker and weaker as the prosecution goes on. If they go ahead with the six month case want I think this guy might just get off. Hopefully this will make it easier for all men to murder their fat, knocked-up wives.

4) Blogging - I love these blogs. Even though I just started mine I have been reading everyone else's since you guys started them up. I love the week long arguments about books and movies and am excited to take part now.

5) Pierluigi's Rehab Memoir - I figure it will start like this, "I don't think there is any more pleasure in life than being able to stumble home drunk from a bar at 4pm. I might have been the only male in the bar, besides the skank bartender, but it is lovely to bare witness to life outside of the working." This scene ends with Pier passed out next to a box of wine and his arm fist deep inside Josh.

2004-06-27T02:46:00.000-05:00

Get Well Soon

2004-06-26T17:34:00.000-05:00

Proof that Josh does not get better at darts the more drunk he is.

Jumping On The Band Wagon

2004-06-25T13:13:00.000-05:00

Well if everyone else is going to do it...